Why do we put so much emphasis on sexuality when it is just one part of who we are?

I recently came across a post on Craigslist that just hit me hard. A 21 yo was in agony because he he has gay thoughts and hated it. He was looking for a way to make it stop. This was the post in the rants and rave section:

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i am 21, no one knows i am gay...it would kill my folks to learn i am gay! i am just desperate to change!!!!!!!!!!

how to overcome this fuckin state?! i fuckin hate it! how am i gonna get me rid of it?!

I responded to him and also in the rants and rave section with this:

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Take it from someone who has lived in the closet his whole adult life, you cannot make it go away. If you are totally convinced you are gay you must be truthful to yourself and your family. If you do not do this now you will set yourself up for a lifetime of pain.

Maybe you will marry a great woman and have a couple of kids just to "prove" to yourself you are not gay? You think it's difficult to tell your parents now, try telling your wife and your children your gay. Through the years I have had casual encounters with guys regularly to satisfy my gay tendencies all the while calling myself bisexual. I understand the pain your in about telling your parents because I was there and I elected to remain in the closet. In retrospect I wish I had the balls to come out before I married. I would have saved myself a lot of pain and confusion.

I have chosen to stay married and continue with my male encounters(safely of course). I am at an age and stage in my life (middle age) where the change would devastate all involved including myself. I know this is not the perfect solution but everyone must do what is right for them. The only perfect solution is to admit your gay and live your life accordingly. (Very few things in life are perfect)

Just curious what is it that makes you think you are gay? Is it sexual experimentation? Is it attraction to men? No Attraction to woman? These are things you must analyze. Of course there is always bisexuality as long as the woman you meet are ok with your attraction to men. You must be truthful to yourself, if no one else.

Also you are young and have time to work this out. Don't put a time limit on having to "decide" what your sexual orientation is.

Some of this may sound contradictory, again I am not perfect and this solution is not perfect. But it works!

Your post really hit a nerve with me. If you wish to discuss further email me. If not, I really wish you good fortune regardless of the outcome.

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I have not been able to get this kid out of my mind since I read his post. Clearly this kid is in pain. I see and feel so much of his pain in myself growing up. In my response to him I realized I have been there and came out the other side with some kind of workable solution for me. It may not work for everyone but it works for me. The reason I bring this up is because I do so much complaining here, I now feel really fortunate to be able to cope with an imperfect situation. I guess I am fortunate to have some wisdom of the years behind me.