And time stops for no one.

While most of the sex lately has been with men, I still enjoy sex with woman! Over the years I have had a very close female friend. We would get together every now and then. The sex was always great. She was a very responsive and engaged lover. I use the word lover because I do love her. Anyway I have not seen her in quite sometime and would like to. I do miss the softness of a woman's contact. I am always torn between meeting and not meeting because it always sets off mixed feelings on my part, but the draw of the great sex is undeniable. So I will most likely meet her soon. She is aware of my bisexuality and seems to be ok with it. I have even mentioned to her that I would like her to join me in a threesome. She has not said no. Our schedules are such, that we have a difficult time meeting now, I cant imagine trying to throw in a 3rd person. For now I will have to fantasize about it and watch bi porn. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in my own sexuality. When the family was young I was able to integrate my bisexuality into my day to day life, all the time keeping it safe and secret. Now as I am older and not responsible for the day to day upbringing children duties. I seem to be having a more difficult time. As I said previously I would like to be out on my own for a while. I have been married since I was 20 years old I think I did my duty and would like to see the world so to speak.

Can't believe it's been 4 years!!!!

I cannot believe I have not been here in 4 years! Some things have changed and some things have not. I am still in the closet and my marriage has become increasingly difficult. Sex with my wife has become almost nonexistent while sex with men has become the norm. As my wife is a middle age woman I am almost sure she does not miss the sex. We really don’t communicate much lately. We have not talked in almost a week. She has become bitter and nasty at times to me. My response has been to withdraw, and so the cycle goes. I want out so bad but have no place to go if I leave. Finance are such that we cannot afford two households. The funny thing is even when times are “good” I am very discontent. I think resentment is high between the both of us.

On my side I have had some serious health issues which have caused me great frustration. I went from someone who was athletic and healthy to some serious heart issues. This in itself has caused me emotional turmoil. I found the meds make me feel worst then the disease. If you really want to upset your doctor, tell him you won’t take some particular med that he prescribed. I refuse to take something that will make me feel worse. Wow, as I write this I am realizing maybe I am the bitter one.
Till the next time…..